Bullet points.

This could be short or could be long. I don’t know.

1)      Racism. I‘ve seen some discussion on the subject in KCL. All it takes is one human being who is different than another and BOOM you have potential for conflict. Education is the only way to solve racism.

2)      Straight A’s continue for Jovana, our exchange student. The kid should be an engineer. Unfortunately, they have no use for Engineers in her country. Engineers, Physicians and Lawyers are not well paid in Montenegro.

3)      Kelly has been pounded with snow these last couple of weeks. Friday and Saturday they are getting 15-26 inches of snow after having snow all week up in DC. Folks, we are from the beach where the snow never goes…It has officially freaked her out.

4)      Me? Oh I have completely lost my mind. I had two rentals come vacant at the end of January. One is rented already (Wonderful turn around and picked up 45 more bucks a month in rents.) The other? I should have it ready to show in the next two weeks. Those folks were not the cleanest humans on the planet. I will pick up an extra 45.00 bucks in rent there as well. Lots of work. Many long nights!!!

5)      Nurse Ratchet? Um, her mentor and old physician co-worker passed away suddenly about 2 weeks ago. He died of a massive heart attack. They worked together the day before he passed. She has cried everyday since. Not pretty. Actually, I have never seen her depressed. She is CRUSHED.

6)      My brother is working with one of the producers of Lady GaGa on some music tracks. They both went to Berklee together. Frankly, this is his big break. The downside? My brother is a monster in the studio. In fact, he has his own studio in his house. Killer. We are having a divorce party for him on the 8^th!!! It is official.

7)      My little sister? I love her. She is just back from a business trip to Atlantic City. She was excited. Me? You can keep Atlantic City. She has already fallen off the wagon on her running and diet.

      Hopefully, I can fix my golf cart tonight or tomorrow. I snapped a strut off jumping some dunes awhile back. Were we out of control? Yes. Was it fun? That cart should be outlawed.

9)      Superbowl? I see the Saints winning it unless Peyton Manning gets red hot.

10)  I miss you all very much. I still read you but have not logged on to comment or write. I think that status will be consistent for awhile.

Peace be with you,

Bobby

Crazy stuff that goes through my mind…

I have to bite my tongue when someone doubts my playing ability on the guitar before I start. The doubts fade right around 10 seconds into my playing.

The macho code. Truth be told I am always quite spooked by sharks in the water when we surf. Big turtles and dolphins have startled the hell out of me too.

I still don’t understand hair transplant surgery on a dude. Vanity in men just makes me wonder.

I still feel like my Z is brand new after almost 7 years. I can’t describe my connection to that car. I have a similar connection to my Toyota FJ Cruiser.

My brother isn’t going to work out in our band. He has the talent but doesn’t have the drive.

I don’t miss drinking.

My friends and family are all worried about me. Some quietly, some openly. Perhaps I have retreated into my own little world.

I have dreams about buying a sailboat and traveling to the Carribean. I am actively looking for a big sailboat that will handle it.

I need to get pro access. I better find a box to send this hot sauce to Matt with my money while I’m at it…

I have to go to Williamsburg tonight. My “coach” has an office there. I’m so damn paranoid that my peers would know so I travel pretty far to keep it under wraps. It has never been a secret in this space.

I have depression issues when my beloved summer turns to fall.

Here is a paradox. I am very social and friendly. Underneath all of it I am a loner and would be comfortable alone for weeks at a time. That will never happen.

I haven’t slept well in months.

I am human. I’m not perfect. I have doubts and worries.

I think I’ll take a walk and clear my head.

Peace,
Bobby

Doing the solo acoustic mini set between sets…..

I have a guitar in my office. Actually, it is a very nice guitar that goes by the name of Kit which is another story for another day. Anyhow…

I was just taking a break at work (usually done with a guitar) and thought about King of Pain and his birthday. Next thing I know I’m playing message in a bottle by The Police…Happy birthday broham.

You might ask if people in my office complain? Not hardly… I can actually play the dadgummed things.

I have a dilemma. Well, its not my dilemma but I FEEL like it is my problem. You see I love my little sister very much. We hang out all the time. I get on very well with my brother-in-law and all that good stuff.

Here comes the punchline….

I need some advice.

Um, my sister has gotten REALLY damn fat here in the last 18 months or so and is spiraling out of control. Like, she has lost her right to wear a bikini although she still wears it. I know she isn’t happy about it but I can’t think of the right way to help her get back on track to save my life.

Of course I love her. We talk about it when she isn’t around and I’m sure other folks do as well.

I did tell her that I was training for some road races and offered to sign her up for one in Thanksgiving and one during Christmas.

She said she isn’t ready. Well, no kidding.

I told her she could be ready in 6 weeks…this gives her till Thanksgiving.

She didn’t say anything.

I’m signing her up.

Any other ideas? God knows, I need some constructive advice. Touchy subject. Telling a girl she is a fatso isn’t a good idea even if she is your little sister.

Oh boy….Please advise.

Peace,

Bobby

Kelly with her mother moving into the dormitory last Friday.

Well…

Here we are 18 and some odd years later. I can’t believe the kid is leaving for college already. We make our way out tomorrow evening. I remember the day she was born and the nurse first put her in my arms.

I remember all the events in between. I know because I have been there all her life. Now we will be left with an empty bedroom until she returns for the holidays or occassional weekend.

Kelly leaves for college tomorrow and I am excited yet sad that she is going to be away from us. DC may not be that far away but in my mind it is too far.

I know I have been harping on this subject for awhile. I will probably harp on it for a long time to come.

She is my little girl and always will be.

I am ruined. My little buddy is going away.

We come back on Saturday just in time for a funeral and then a going away party for some lovely friends. UGH!!!!

You know what? I sense the fall is coming. Hurricane season makes it obvious. I don’t like the fall….I really don’t like winter.

Nurse Ratchet cries so much I don’t know what I’m going to do.

The ride home will be long and full of emotions.

This chapter of our lives is over. A new chapter begins.

This little space has and always will be about the love I have for my family and friends. My life and world revolve around my family.

Time for Kelly to make her mark on the world….

Life moves pretty quickly.

Enjoy each day.

Peace be with you,
Bobby

Nurse ratchet at one of our favorite Surfing spots last we call the boilermaker or boiler. This steamship wreck is off the coast of The Pea Island wildlife refuge. If you look closely you can see the stack of the Oriental on the right.

When you paddle out about 100 yards you can see the ship underneath you of the water is clear. On good days the visibility is about 15 feet or so which make it a pretty good snorkle event.

You can’t miss a 200 plus foot boat under that stack so if you are surfing it, steer clear…

I like to tinker from time to time. Most of my tinkering is on my rental houses, guitars, amps, lawn equipment etc…

Lately I have determined that we are not watching 97% of the programming on our Dish Network subscription. I don’t have dishtv in the mountain and with our outdoor antenna we can get more than enough programming. Content via the internet continues to grow exponentially.

Anyhow, I have done a little research and have found plans to make a very efficient Hi-Def friendly antenna to mount in my attic. I have two structured wiring panels and will drop a cable down from the antenna and terminate an already existing coaxial connection in every room of my house. Easy stuff once you wrap your mind around it.

In terms of radio, I listen to wi-fi radio and have it connected to my main receiver which pumps music all through my home. In fact, my main interface is my ipod touch. Between my music collection, slacker radio and pandora we are covered with whatever we want to hear. We can also see movies or pictures on the high def tv if we choose to do so right out of the little gadget.

Watching movies? Use a portable hard drive and you can hook it up to your WDTV interface and watch whatever content you have added to the hard drive in any format you can imagine. In hi def no less!!

I have a HUGE weekend ahead. I’ll be exhausted by Sunday night.

You know where to find me during the day. I’ll be on the beach.

At night? Probably tinkering….

See you next week!!!

Peace,
Bobby

As many of you know I have used these journals as a sketch pad for all my thoughts.

Sometimes my thoughts are light hearted and filled with cheerful anecdotes. Sometimes they are dark and describe my doubts and fears. I simply share the good and bad parts of my life.

Mentally I am just crushed and it is spilling out of the little boxes I try to contain the “Crushings” in.

My kid is leaving for college the 28th of August. She is the apple of my eye.

My wife is on the tail end of menopause and is doing the hormone replacement therapy. She is 45 and must cry 2-3 times a day on me. She has and will always be my entire world. Nothing hurts worse than watching your soulmate weep in despair over situations and circumstances beyond any control.

I have no idea from one month to the next how my job is going to be. *My real estate ventures/returns have grown by almost 40% so there is a silver lining.* The markets? We are in for a long winter…..

This is summertime so you can believe I get my share of time on the beach with my family and friends. I can already sense the days are getting shorter. I’m going to Hatteras to surf this weekend just to blow out the cobwebs. Hopefully, the waves are 4 foot and glassy.

Jovana (Our serb exchange student) arrives in 10 days. I know the kid is excited. Apparently living with us is fun. When she returns to her country next summer we are going to be double crushed I am absolutely sure of it.

I have so much work to do that I can’t imagine going to bed early or watching any kind of show for the next several months. Painting houses, fixing porches, cutting down trees, plumbing, heating, cooling and lord only knows what else…all this of course on top of my career and charitable endeavors.

I see the central theme of my life is surrounded with uncertainty. I have never lived this way before.

I don’t like it. For many folks this is the exact spot they throw in the towel and give up. I confess, I have thought about it more than I should. That just isn’t in my nature. There is more love in my life than I ever dreamed possible so I believe I will be okay.

I just look at this part of my life like a hurricane. There will be some damage. The sun will come up and then of course you have to make a decision on the next course of action.

I’m like a cat. I may be injured and hurting but I’m not going to let you see it in 3d. In this space I am rather transparent.

I have been friends with several of you over the years. I have watched many of you survive some incredible ordeals. Many of you have emerged stronger and happier on the other side of these tribulations.

I am inspired by your successes. Your friendships are so very valuable to me.

Today is sunny and gorgeous. I’m going running with my bride on the beach after work. We will all sit down together for dinner and later tonight we are going to finish Jovana’s room.

Life moves pretty fast. I don’t want to waste a second of it.

Peace,
Bobby

Fear of the unknown is a mind killer.

I have been through hell and back with this market I must tell you. I do not think I am alone at all.

I will be 45 on Friday and I have never experienced this much uncertainty in my entire lifetime. I have no idea where I will be 3-6 months from now.

I don’t like this feeling at all and the anxiety that comes along with it is incredible.

Worry never cares if you are worried about it I keep telling myself. Apparently, my worries never get the memo.

I sound like a broken record.

I’m so totally focused on all of the bad things that I have had difficulty enjoying the good things in my life which are plentiful.

So you can probably tell that I need to see a shrink to say the least.

I do seek counseling and I have an appointment tonight. I suspect this is going to be one of the tougher meetings.

Your encouragement has been plentiful and very much appreciated.

Peace,
Bobby