I think you’re very wise, and it does depend a lot on who that is in your circle. Good advice here, Bobby.

as you know I can very well relate to the situation. Unfortunately things are not as easy as they sometimes appear. YOU have a fantastic wife and you would be so stupid to even think of cheating on her. But it someones wife/hubby is not so great, if she/he is a real jerk, then cheating is sometimes used to get the love that’s missing……

Only those involved can know how to handle it… outsiders need to keep out.

good call Bobby every situation is different!

Maybe send the cousin an anonymous note?

Very well said.

Most people know when they are being cheated on, even when they pretend they don’t know. My rule of thumb is that it is not my marriage, and I don’t take well too others interfering in my marriage. So I keep my mouth shut. The big problem is STD, and that would be my worry for the person being cheated on. I might just be a smart ass and say to the cheater: I sure hope you are using protection and know who your are messing around with, because you are going to be in big trouble if you give your spouse an STD or get that other person pregnant. Here let me throw some cold water on you.

I like what you said, and agree with most of it, but I have been on the other side and let me tell you, it sucks! When you’re being cheated on, you feel crazy, and foolish, and stupid, and worthless, and ugly, and all of those other things that cheating brings along with it. And sorry Westy, It’s not just about love and finding happiness. If someone is unhappy in their marriage, they should get out. I don’t care what the circumstances are, I don’t care if she’s sick, he’s sick, the kid is sick, she’s crazy, I’ll lose my money, I’ve been in too long to just stop now, or any of the 1000 other excuses. It’s wrong. Period.

The other thing that has to be considered are the crazy number of diseases out there. You don’t know whether dude is covering his junk or not. What you do know is that the woman being cheated on is going about her business thinking she doesn’t have to worry about getting HIV or herpes or syphillis (yes, it’s still very prominent), or any of the other diseases she could get. She’s not worried about whether she’s going to be alive to watch her children graduate from college or get married.

Not telling the other party is the cowards way out, in my opinion. I would tell, but also say that I back up whatever they decide to do, whether they stay or not. That’s my opinion and I’m sticking to it.

yup! I had no choice to do what I did as the individuals were in my “inner circle” but honestly- it was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do…

good post Bobby

Doanli - The note would be a dagger.
Luna - Each circumstance is different. I stay out of it almost always. I’m happy to talk about it with either party (if they bring it up) but always stay positive.
FB- All circumstances different.
Evil - You know I have missed you.
Ros - You are a wise one indeed.

Sugarcane - I was hoping you would respond because you have a much greater understanding of the subject. For someone in my Inner Circle I would instantly tell. For someone on the periphery, I would weigh my options. It would be my obligation to my sister, brother, daughter or a handful of my dearest friends.

Lou - I read your remark in her journal and think you handled it as well as anyone could. Damn tough. I take sides although I try to appear impartial. At the end of the day if my sister did this to my Brother-in-law, I would holler at my Sister and keep my mouth shut in front of her husband. I have first hand experience in this matter from when they were newly married and I personally ran the other guy off…I never told my BIL and never will for it serves no purpose now.

So difficult…

there are, in the end, THREE sides to the whole story. Telling might make the big bang happen sooner then it would if no one is told. But it can backfire. As has been said, each case is different and all people involved in such situations are different and would react different. I could backfire…. or it could help. Tough call.

Weeping Willow. I am and will forever be on your team hoping for the absolute best. We have discussed this before. I want you to have what makes you happy.

Love,
Bobby

I would not care whether it was inner circle or not. As a woman I would have to let her know. I did it for a neighbor I once had several years ago and she was so glad I told her. She thought she was just being paranoid thinking he was cheating. All the signs were there but she cast them to the side because he kept telling her he loved her and would never cheat on her. After the third time I saw him on the other side of town with the same woman in a night club I left, went to her house, picked her up after she told me he was working late and took her to the club and let her see with her own eyes. She didn’t say a word to him, went home through his stuff on the front lawn and I went to WalMart and changed the locks on the door. She and I still remain the best of friends and she has come up several times since I moved and I go down there a couple of time a year and visit. She got the house and new car, he got the old car and the mortgage.

Hey BobbyB!!!!!!Gosh its been wayyyyyyyyyy too long to not be in touch!! I miss you terribly. Anyhow, I rarely am here anymore ……I need to pop in more often to see how my friends are doing. I hope you and the family are doing well and your New Year has started off healthy and on a positive note.
Miss you !
Love ya Bobby b!!

ok, where are ya bobby!!!

Some people don’t mind deception, from either side of the board. No win with that type. People who’d rather know the truth are a different sort than those. I’d rather know and, best case, rather not be involved on either side of the deception.
If there is a doubt, butt out. If the you have no doubt that telling is for the good and that the person really wants and needs the truth, then I guess that makes sense. Those who don’t want to hear it will hate you for it.

Ive been the one cheated on so I know how it feels. I have male friends but Im very careful with my relationships. I dont want to put anyone else through that. I am glad to count you in my circle of friends! BTW, I wish you would join facebook if you havent already. It would be much easier to keep up with you and your lovely wife and daughter. Pastor Larry did! LOL. Take care buddy.